You would be a rare individual if you can look back on your younger days and not remember careless driving, drinking and driving, riding with someone who had been drinking or even having a car accident. You can hope your child won’t do one (or all) of these things, but hoping isn’t going to do a single thing to stop them from doing it. Teen-agers have the singular ability to know everything and know nothing at the same time. It’s not their most endearing quality.
But, no matter how aggravating they can be, we love them and want them to lead the best and longest possible lives. In my line of work, I have known the sorrow of clients who have lost a child, or had one seriously injured, in a car accident. It’s heart-breaking – there is no other word for it. The CDC says that on average 3,000 teens are killed in the United States every year. Almost 1/4 of those killed had been drinking and another 1/4 of them had been talking on a cell phone or texting at the time of the accident. The majority of the rest succumb to inexperience. They just haven’t been driving long enough to have the experience to react to or anticipate dangers on the road. They don’t know to steer into a slide, or how not to overcorrect if they drop off the side of the road, or not to follow too closely to another vehicle. There are a few things you can do to improve your teens chances of coming through these critical years unhurt and also not getting on the wrong side of the road.
- While they are still young, you must set a good example for them with your driving. Studies show that 84% of teen drivers emulate their parents driving habits – do not think they aren’t paying attention when you drive too fast, text and drive, drive aggressively etc. because they obviously are.
- Before they get their license, underscore again and again that driving is a privilege, it’s not a right. During anytime, and for any reason you see fit, you can and will take away their access to the car. It’s very embarrassing for a kid who’s driving to school to have to revert to the bus, so don’t be afraid to use that. Also, if they drive drunk or are caught driving recklessly, the law can and will revoke their drivers license and it will cost alot of money and take alot of time to get it back. Plus, if they are over the age of 18, these charges will follow them for the rest of their lives, when they try to get into college, the military, get a job or buy a house.
- Limit their driving at night and especially when they have other teens in the car with them. Their chances double of being in an accident when they have kids their age in the car with them. If they have to drive at night, have them call you when they get to or leave their destination.
- Let them know that, if they are riding with a teen who has been drinking that they need to get out of the car immediately. Let them know that your relief at their being safe over-rides your irritation they may have been doing something or at someplace you might not approve of. Several times teens indicate that, if they had felt comfortable asking their parents for help, they would have rather than take a ride from a driver who had been drinking.
- Show them carnage. They see alot of what they think is bad stuff on video games and on TV. Let them see what a real mangled car looks like (junkyards are good places) or the internet. Tell them what closed head injuries can do (do they want to be in a wheelchair and have to wear diapers at age 16?) Tell them the penalties involved in causing an accident that hurts someone else or results in charges against your child. They are used to you protecting them when they are young. The teen-age years are a good time to teach them they must assume responsibility for themselves and their own actions.
- Be truthful with them. Tell them it would destroy you and the family to lose them, tell them you rely on them to make good decisions, tell them it’s a big world out there and it’s theirs for the taking, but they have to be responsible and earn their way into it and that means not to make bad decisions.
In closing, your teen already thinks you are lame. soooooooooo lame. You don’t need to be their friend, that will happen when they are older and wiser. Right now you need to be their teacher and teach with a loving but firm hand. Don’t let them rolling their eyes and sighing boredly put you off talking to them. The consequences can be stressful, and sometimes too painful to comprehend.
